Fluffs by Daniel I. Russell

[Daniel I Russell]

Thread for comments on Fluffs by some fool.

[orth]

Finally got to read it! Yeah! hehe

Okay, overall, I liked the story. It had good pacing, you didn't waste time on needless information, or anything like that. The Fluffs were a good idea, and I like how you incorporated the bees at the end. You could have taken it an entire different direction and made him really crazy, but I liked that the Doc did find out they were real.

I didn't really like your main character. You did a good job, he just seemed whiny to me, and since I don't much like whiny people...I didn't much care for him. But it was consistent througout and you did make me see the characters as real people.

Here are a few mistakes I found in the story:

You're missing a " at the end of chapter one.

First line of chaper 5 ( Cos Doc) Cos should be 'Cause.

The I following Cos Doc, should be I've.

He leaned against the back of an armchair, his head pounding and eyes and filling
with tears. <---Two ands in this sentence? Doesn't make sense. Did you mean 'his head pounding and his eyes filling with tears?

He flopped his bed back onto the pillow. <--- bed should be head (chapter 9)

“Please, please, Shaun, try to calm to calm yourself!” <----double to calm (chapter 10)

This was long enough that I can actually do a review, so I just got the cover pic off Smashwords and I'll write up a review and post it on my site and Smashwords. I'll let you know when they're posted.

Review posted: www.rebeccabesser.com/rb_reviews_012.htm

[Daniel I Russell]

Thanks for the feedback, Bec. I really should go back and neaten up my ebooks one of these days. 2 quills, eh? What's that out of?

Oh, and yes, I think people do need to explore inside themselves...preferably on webcam. ;-)

[orth]

Hahaha. Two Quills is out of three. I don't have a complicated rating system. Here, I'll link you to the explain page....

www.rebeccabesser.com/rb_reviews_007.htm

Someday I might change the rating system. I don't know that too many will make it to three. But only one I've reviewed so far has been a one. It was poetry that was too mellow for my taste, but was still good.

The reason why I don't have more ratings and I kinda 'lump' things is because reviewing is kinda opinion oriented and even though I didn't care for it, or think it was blow me away amazing, doesn't mean someone else wouldn't love it. But the reviews give people a glimpse into the book that a summary or blurb wouldn't and can create more interest in the book. I try to explain why I give each rating, etc.