Boneyard Smack by G. N. Braun

[Daniel I Russell]

Thread for comments on Boneyard Smack by G. N. Braun.

[Daniel I Russell]

Thought I might get the ball rolling.

I remember reading this last year and enjoying. It stood up to a reread, even though I knew the ending before hand. It's very gritty, and shows that a piece can touch on the literary without coming across all arty farty and trying too hard.

My dislikes with it are just personal preference. I'm not a fan of 1st person generally and the fact that the protag dies at the end is always a no no...but I can't see how else this story could end. The term junkie vision always makes me think of some kind of awful superhero power!

But yeah, I liked this story then and still do now. Makes me wonder if this is the kind of stuff Irvine Welsh writes about?

Very short and sharp, and looking different for an ebook it stands out. Also love the cover as there is nothing quite as sinister as a syringe in my eyes. Well, not literally in my eyes. That would just be horrific.

[orth]

Overall I liked the story. The character was realistic and the delivery was clear. I loved your use of imagery! My fav line,"...any group of junkies heading for a score stands out like dog’s balls on a canary."

Note for corrections:

Trash can should be two words.

I would suggest using "s instead of 's for dialogue.

On page 7, you have me...a strange; everywhere else you have a space at the end, between the periods and the word.

Again on page 7...you could take out the comma here, "sell ‘em the good stuff, and watch ‘em drop!’"

In this sentence, also page 7, I would suggest a -- instead of a comma where I put the star.
"I knew straight away that it was strong and I had had too much,* my heart slowing down in my chest and my vision going grey around the edges, like looking at a dull, overcast day through a long tunnel."

Just some suggests. Loved the story.

[jimmcleod]

Geoff over all it's good, I just think the beginning is over written.

I personally hate the phrase "not literally" I cringe whenever I hear anyone use it. I don't think the scentance needs it.

Same with plethero, I think it's surplus to requirements.

I would use "You just have to know what to look for, and I
knew"

instead of You just have to know what to look for. I
knew

"but there seemed to be no one around". I think "but there was no one around " reads better

I should either be sometimes or most of the time, not both.

Now this is the part that caused Gord Rollo to fall out with me over Jigsaw.



Boneyard has the same bone of contention. Now I may have it wrong, happens a lot. But if the protagonist dies at the end in real time, how can the story be told. I liked Jigsaw up until the end, but actually throw the book away after the ending. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but can you tell a story this way with that ending.

Other than that it's good. Overall you have a good style.

[orth]

Jim,

Would you like it better if he was telling it as a ghost stuck in the boneyard after dying there, trying to figure out a way to get back at the cops? It would then lend itself to being longer also.

[jimmcleod]

Yes that would nail it

[Daniel I Russell]

Geoff, having the author here in the circle, would you like to tell us the story behind the story?

[gnbraun]

Dan, I will write up something on that later, after I recover from the ongoing birthday drinks...

[Daniel I Russell]

You should write it at the height of your birthday drinks...that way we get the truth! Hehe. Hope you're enjoying it matey.

[gnbraun]

Jim, great point. This was written early on, and I now see that the narrator cannot die if the tale is 1st person past tense...

As to what the story behind the story is, on an old forum that no longer exists we were encouraged to write a piece using an image of a circular graveyard for inspiration. At the time I was halfway through reading Junkie by William Burroughs, so I decided to try and write something based on my own experiences as an addict that also grew from Burroughs sparse style of writing. What emerged was Boneyard Smack.

[Daniel I Russell]

On a lesser scale, one of characters in The Collector shares my caffeine addiction...

[jimmcleod]

Apr 5, 2011 2:34:28 GMT -5 Daniel I Russell said:

On a lesser scale, one of characters in The Collector shares my caffeine addiction...

relax man