It Lives In Dark Places by Dave Jeffery

[Daniel I Russell]

Thread for comments on It Lives In Dark Places by Dave Jeffery.

[orth]

While the story was clear (prolly because the writer and I have a similar style), but I think it moved too fast. If it would have been slowed down and would've actually gotten in depth with the protag it would have meant something to me when he died. Yup, the protag dies at the end of this one too.... hehe But, this one wasn't in first person. Sorry if I just ruined it for you, but there are signs early on.

This story would actually be great at novella length, I think, and possibly with the protag living and finding out that the beast was made by Pheonix Industries, instead of just being told at the end.

I guess that's what bothered me most, there was a LOT of telling and just a bit of showing. I did like the word usage for the imagery; I thought it was brilliant in some places. He was clear with his descriptions without getting repetitive with his wording.

I would also have to ask myself why the monster stayed down in the sewers, I mean it sounds like it has a thirst for killing, so why hasn't it broken out and gone out in the world to do its killing? Of course, this could prolly be explained by an adversion to sunlight or something, but with the lack of length, depth, and information, we are all left wondering.

Overall, the story was good and interesting -- I liked the concept, but the reader ultimately needs to know more, I think.

[Daniel I Russell]

Damn you Rebecca for taking words out of my mouth. Your fingers taste odd, btw...

I love a super fast pace and for things not to be bogged down in flowery prose, and this certainly did that. I can't remember last time I read a book that whipped through events so quick! But this kind of pace came with a price. The characterisation was paper thin and to be honest, I couldn't really have cared less about the protag. Some scenes had the true potential to be real edge of the seat moments but were over too quick to have that lovely drawn out nastiness.

This does seem to scratch the surface of a bigger story. I would like to know the history of the beast and know the protag a bit more. Jeffrey has the chops, but I'd appreciate a very slightly slower and deeper piece (and I'm no rambling literary fan or writer myself!).

We also had POV confusion, which is one of my bug bears having to edit this kind of stuff out for the mags/publishers I work for.

In summary...would I like to see more of this writer's work? Yes. Do I think he can do better? Yes.

[gnbraun]

I agree with you there, Dan. The potential wasn't truly realised in this story, and the protagonist wasn't characterised enough for us to feel any empathy with him. Fast pace, which is good, but I also feel that there were some scenes which could have been taken advantage of in a better way. As Rebecca said, this could easily be pushed out to novella, or even novellette, length. I would have liked some more examples of the criminal brother's ineptitude, as well. I feel some nice black humour would have evolved from that.
Some editing wouldn't have gone astray, either. I noticed a few grammatical errors, and misuse of words.
All up, I'd be interested in seeing a reworking of this one, and feel it has real potential.

[orth]

Dan, I'm not telling you where my fingers have been sooo...

I have a question and I'm going to be completely American here... hahaha Was Gloch supposed to be Glock? And was phial supposed to be vial? I just want to make sure that I WAS reading it right.

I agree with Geoff about the editing; there were mistakes. I just didn't see any point in actually pin-pointing them since the author wasn't in the group and couldn't learn something, etc.

[jimmcleod]

Orth, you're right on both counts

[orth]

Thanks, Jim.